Check In. Ask Again. Stay Close.
After losing his cousin to suicide, Mental Health Ally Tommy Henderson reminds us that the people who seem OK may need us to look a little closer.
As Suicide Awareness Prevention Week comes to an end, we hear from Tommy Henderson, a mental health ally, who lost a close family member to suicide. Tommy remembers his cousin as the kind of person others naturally wanted to be around.
He was friendly. Jovial. Outgoing and warm.
He had a steady job, loved watching sports with Tommy, and seemed happy. Nothing about him suggested that he was quietly struggling.
Then, six years ago — just before his 30th birthday and seemingly out of nowhere — Tommy’s cousin took his own life.
“None of us saw it coming,” says Tommy. “We had no idea he was struggling. That’s the worst part.”
In the years since, Tommy has replayed their conversations and searched his memories for something he might have missed. But even looking back, he can’t identify a warning sign that would have told the family what was happening beneath the surface.
“Some people are really good at masking things,” says Tommy.
The loss devastated Tommy’s close-knit family. It also changed the way they love one another.
Today, they talk about deeper things. They check in more intentionally. They create room for honest answers—not only when someone begins struggling, but long before.
“Support starts when things are good,” says Tommy. “That’s how they know you’ll stick around when things are hard.”
That belief is part of what Tommy now carries into his role as a Mental Health Ally. He wants others to understand that support doesn’t require having all the right words. Sometimes, it begins with noticing, reaching out, and being willing to stay in an uncomfortable conversation.
“My encouragement would be to check in on your loved ones,” says Tommy. “Even the ones who seem ok—especially the ones who seem ok. Let them know you’re available if they ever do need to talk about something.”
Tips to help others
If someone’s words or behavior concerns you, take them seriously. Ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide. You won’t be giving them the idea or pushing them toward it — you’re actually opening up a safe, honest space for them to speak up.
Listen without judgment. Don’t promise to keep it a secret, and don’t leave them alone. Do what you can to keep them safe by putting distance between them and anything harmful, and help them connect with real, immediate support.
Keep checking in. Knowing you’re still in their corner makes a world of difference.
“You never know what’s going on inside,” says Tommy. “Ask the hard questions. Make sure they know there is love and help available to them.”
You may not always see what someone is carrying.
But you can make sure they don’t have to carry it alone.
If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call or text your onsite mental health therapist or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 for free, confidential support 24 hours a day. In a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Latricia Taylor
